This question has recently been asked of me, and I have given it a lot of thought. Others questions would have been more simple, like “How do I find a new job?” or “What is the answer to life’s deepest mystery?” The obvious answers are, “Get off your duff” and “42.” However, when it comes to changing a person’s culinary preferences, it is much more complicated.
Since it is a difficult question, it needs a mathematical answer. We begin by identifying several factors. O= outcome, which is for the husband to enjoy pineapple. D= desire, for the wife’s desire to see the goal happen. E= effort, for the effort the wife exerts in attempting to achieve the goal. M= motivation, for the actual tools used to motivate the husband. In addition, we also need to factor in 300, which represents the speed of light; 300,000,000 meters per second. With this information, we can logically write our equation as follows:
O= EM divided by D times 300
All that remains is to identify and implement each unit in the equation. For example, we already know O, and we know D. They are both measured in units of passion, and therefore cancel each other out if they are of equal intensity. 300,000,000 is the universal constant. E is simply the effort to accomplish the task. It is measured in joules. That leaves M, which can take many forms. It might be a new corvette. It might be something as simple as a favorite meal offered as a trade. It might even be something in the martial relationship. Whatever it is, M is the key which solves the equation. Now here is a valuable tip:
If M is persuasive enough, the husband could end up crawling on his belly across the floor exclaiming his love of not only eating pineapple, but also a desire of being immersed in a swimming pool containing giant pineapple rings.
One last comment: Other life issues can be inserted into this formula. Have fun!
Since it is a difficult question, it needs a mathematical answer. We begin by identifying several factors. O= outcome, which is for the husband to enjoy pineapple. D= desire, for the wife’s desire to see the goal happen. E= effort, for the effort the wife exerts in attempting to achieve the goal. M= motivation, for the actual tools used to motivate the husband. In addition, we also need to factor in 300, which represents the speed of light; 300,000,000 meters per second. With this information, we can logically write our equation as follows:
O= EM divided by D times 300
All that remains is to identify and implement each unit in the equation. For example, we already know O, and we know D. They are both measured in units of passion, and therefore cancel each other out if they are of equal intensity. 300,000,000 is the universal constant. E is simply the effort to accomplish the task. It is measured in joules. That leaves M, which can take many forms. It might be a new corvette. It might be something as simple as a favorite meal offered as a trade. It might even be something in the martial relationship. Whatever it is, M is the key which solves the equation. Now here is a valuable tip:
If M is persuasive enough, the husband could end up crawling on his belly across the floor exclaiming his love of not only eating pineapple, but also a desire of being immersed in a swimming pool containing giant pineapple rings.
One last comment: Other life issues can be inserted into this formula. Have fun!
5 comments:
I am confused about the equation described. It's not clear where the speed of light goes. Is it O=EM/(D*300), or is it O=(EM/D)*300?
As the husband in question, I must add a variable missing from that equation: V= vileness, for the satanic tongue-searing vileness of the pineapple. I believe vileness is inversely proportional to outcome.
It is interesting that you indicate D is also inversely proportional to outcome, which would imply that my passionate hatred of pineapple becomes larger if my wife's desire that I like it becomes larger. I don't really think that is true.
I think this equation is more descriptive of the problem:
O=DEM/V
Unfortunately, in this case V is approximately 42 times the mathematical constant googleplex, which dwarfs any values of D, E, or M that I can think of.
It should be noted that V is in units of passion-joules, which makes the units work out correctly for O.
Great analysis. I can add no further wisdom.
Brilliant.
Thank you for your advice on this matter as I work to help my husband get over his unhealthy fear of Pineapple. I will add the bigger picture of your equation to my efforts as I was obviously focusing to strongly on effort and outcome rather than motivation. :)
I'm sure I will have many more questions for you after April.
I'm looking forward to hearing them.
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